I’ll be honest with you.
I don’t want to write this post at all.
But Jack asked me to. So I am.
I’m starting reluctantly, but hoping that some enthusiasm will come to me as I go along.
The reason I don’t want to write this is because I just spent nearly an hour writing a long, detailed post. And then, as I began to proofread it, I innocently tried to toggle the writing window to full screen, and WordPress erased my post.
After half an hour spent searching WordPress for my post and the internet for help, I came to the sad conclusion that my post was gone.
My original post was entitled “I Am So Excited!” (Some of you might still have it in your readers since I published the empty shell of it while following some directions for retrieving a lost draft.) Well, I was excited then. Now my excitement has been replaced with frustration and I just really hate WordPress.
Enough grouching I guess.
The reason I was so excited before WordPress ate my post, is because Jack is coming to see me!
Yep, after a long and lonely three months, he’s coming down to see me again. And for the first time in nearly eight months, he is actually going to be able to stay for longer than a weekend!!!
He will be on Thanksgiving break and can stay for a whole 9 days!
I was (am) excited about this for many reasons.
One of them is, obviously, that I haven’t seen him in forever!
Another is that this is the last visit before he comes down for our wedding. I still can’t believe this!
Yet another reason is that we have been going through a pretty rough time lately and we really need some time together.
You see, things haven’t been going very well for us lately. These last few months have quite possibly been the worst in all of our years together.
Jack is just finishing up the hardest, most grueling, stressful, draining, and intense term that he’s ever had at engineering school. I have been with him every step of the way, and I have never seen him this stressed out. His school is known for being very intense and extremely difficult, and it definitely lived up to its reputation this quarter!
So, since he’s been struggling to just keep his stress levels low enough to study, there has been some fallout. And I’ll be honest.
It has been very hard for me.
I have had to temporarily take his place as the strong one and be there for him. Night after night, phone call after phone call, exam after exam, I have had to shelve my own stress and be strong for him. I’ve had to do my best to keep my perspective when my wonderful boyfriend snaps at me over nothing, and remind myself he’s stressed to the max and doesn’t mean it.
I have had to allow DD to majorly take a backseat. We haven’t done any kind of maintenance in months. For us, long-distance DD takes a lot of time and emotional energy, and Jack just hasn’t had enough of either lately. It has been hard for me to temporarily let go of something so important to me, but I’ve adjusted to it. It definitely isn’t a permanent change and I’ve managed to keep going without much of what I once thought was imperative for our DD relationship to work.
In addition to the stress of Jack’s education, there’ve been a few other things going on. I’ve been continuing to pound away at my wedding diet and had a rough time of it when three weeks of faithful dieting saw no progress whatsoever. Eventually I reevaluated my diet plan and made some changes which are so far proving effective, and I’m making progress again–thank goodness!
The stress must have gotten to Jack’s faithful little Chevy because it wound up in the mechanics getting its transmission rebuilt, which drained our savings. A few weeks before that, Jack’s car got towed. I’ll spare you the gory details. That whole fiasco ended up costing us $600, including the cost to repair some damage to the car that the towing company refused to accept responsibility for.
With a month and a half to go until the wedding and what seemed like a million details all needing attention simultaneously, I started to hate our wedding. A few major meltdowns later found me desperately trying to convince Jack to let me cancel the wedding and plan a private ceremony with just our family instead. He stuck to his guns and said no over and over. I was pretty mad at him at the time, but once I calmed down I knew he was right. I tackled the million details head on, and finally my to-do list is shrinking instead of ballooning. Our wedding is coming together and I’m not hating it anymore…just very ready for it to be over!
With all this and quite a few other smaller things going on, Jack and I have been having a rough time of it. And so has our relationship. About a month ago Jack and I realized things weren’t good. We were fighting pretty much every day. There was nearly constant miscommunication and hurt feelings. Basically, the stress was getting to us and pushing us apart.
We majorly reevaluated at that point and both starting putting more effort into our relationship. Things massively improved and we’re doing way, way better now, although much of the stress is still present.
So, that is mostly why I am so excited to see him. After three months of aching loneliness, frequent tears, unbelievable stress levels, and emotional and physical exhaustion, we are 100% ready to be in each other’s arms again and to spend a whole week rejuvenating.
We both know that after all this crazy (and especially since DD has been more or less temporarily shelved) we are going to have a bigger than normal adjustment period once he arrives. We have a major “reconnection” planned for the morning after he gets here, and I am bracing myself for one long spanking. We have a lot of baggage to sort through to get us both reestablished in our roles and ready to move on from this rough time.
Anyway, all this to say, it’s been a rough few months and I can’t wait to see my wonderful man in just two more days. And soon—very, very soon, thank God!—this long distance relationship will be behind us forever, and hopefully, things can settle down a little!
Thanks for listening to all this! It felt so good to get it all off my chest. Since a lot of this has been very personal between Jack and me, I haven’t really been talking to anybody about it. I feel better having just typed this!
I still miss you all so much and can’t wait to get back to regular blogging and reading after the wedding. I’ll try to pop in after Jack’s visit with a story or two, but I don’t dare promise anything. :)
I hope you and yours are all well. Happy early Thanksgiving everybody!